Tales from the Emailses

I haven't written on here for ages, and i know, people have missed me. The amount of emails i've had have been phenominal (real amount:zero) but what with my recent obsession with MySpace and not thinking of anything interesting to write about and general not being botheredness, i've really let this place slide.

Anyway, all this preamble is just to post an email i just wrote. I think perhaps that is the future of blogging, the mindless ctrl+c, ctrl+v of emails.

Enjoy:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
(Andy)

I am at work and someone has been messing up my desk and writing on MY post it note pads. That makes me furious like the Hulk. They've been using my special highlighter pens and everything. Bastards. I can tell because you can see the ink level in them and the ink level has gone down in the yellow and green ones compared to the blue and orange ones. They are the only thing that keeps me coming back here week after week and SOMEONE'S BEEN FUCKING WITH THEM!

I cant fucking wait to see Xmen. I love sexy Wolverine. And all superheroes for that matter. Man! I wish I was a superhero. That would rule.

I am somewhat uninterested in being at work, today, tomorrow, and for the forseeable future. What a drain on my mind and soul. If only Paul McKenna, or Derren Brown (obviously, I would prefer Derren, due to his sexy vampire qualities) I wish one of them would hypnotise me into being motivated into getting some kind of job I would like and which I could be creative in, instead of wasting my life in this hole caring way too much about some coloured pens and post it notes.

I had thought before of emailing you all day long about a million times but hadn't because it would make me look like a loon. Ah well.

Have you been watching Big Bro? Pete will win.

Tubgirl, if you don't know yet, is a girl kind of upside down in a bath spraying a fountain of brown liquid from her anal eye. Its seriously a FOUNTAIN OF BROWN. And ssooooo gross, alongside goatse, which I have never seen, which is of a man holding his arse open, but its supposed to be like really open, like enough to fit atleast a hand inside. But as I said, ive never seen it, as descriptions are vile enough and my mind is already scarred from Tubgirl. If you look either of them up on Wikipedia, there are detailed descriptions of these and other shock sites, but thankfully no pictures on them. Others I have heard of are Lemon Party, which sounds horrible enough, of old men going at it.

Well, now that I have written an essay for you, I might go and make a lovely cup of coffee, as we have run out at my house and I like its tasty flavour in preference to tea whilst at work.

Ive been designing some poster fold up flyer things, I will send you one when its done and dusted. If only I knew a cheap printer place.

Factotum

A lot of things happen to me which seem just too coincidental. I look up a word i don't know the meaning of and it is thereafter everywhere i go. I go and buy a book and then see a poster for it's film. I suppose it could be argued that somehow my subconscious picks up on things and influences my actions, but i don't know. It just seems too uncanny.
A few days ago i didn't have anything to read so i picked up 'Dr Strangelove'. The next day the film was on TV.
Today i bought 'Factotum' by Charles Bukowski after someone told me it was good. I get to work and there is an ad for the film 'Factotum' starring Matt Dillon on the Guardian Website.

COINCIDENCE?

Quiet Is The New Loud

I hate when i catch on to something ages after everyone else and it's now old hat.
I bought Quiet Is The New Loud by Kings of Convenience a few weeks ago and only properly listened to it the other day and it is SO lovely! and so sad.
But why did no-one tell me?
Am i being hideously uncool? were they really good but then suddenly deemed lame like so many things these days? I suppose quiet was the new loud for a while, when Royksopp (and whatever happened to them?) were so beloved by all. But now there is no quiet at all! So Loud is the new Quiet i suppose. Or i am just being pedantic.

Neighbours II

After installing the tracker (in the links to the right) on here, i have been dismayed to find that pretty much the only thing which people are searching for on Google and coming here for are the spoilers i wrote for Neighbours. How lame!

Another day, another dollar

Well i was going to go and see that band but their van caught fire. So i didn't.
So instead of having a lovely Hangover Saturday, i went to Bluewater.
Bluewater is amazing.
It is like, an offering to The Gods Of Commerce. A cathedral of capitalism.
It is the closest thing to an American mall as we have in our quaint country of moderation. If it was in America it would be practically empty, but as this is England, it was stuffed full of people.
It'd be amazing if we in this country could get our act together more often and produce something so lovely and efficient as this on a more frequent basis, maybe for a more worthy cause than pure cash money.

Razzle Dazzle

Check out these WWI 'Razzle Dazzle Boats' They are amazing! To confuse the enemy they painted some of the boats in these insane colours and patterns.
How come i never knew about this?!

The curse of a good imagination

Last night i made the stupid mistake of watching a bit of Channel 4's 100 Greatest Scary Moments. 83 was Whistle And I'll Come To You, where an old man finds a whistle and blows it, then is pursued by a ghost. At some point he sees the bedclothes across the room stiffen and move around as if by a ghost. Now, every night i get freaked out by things which i think look like faces, and whenever i watch something scary i can't sleep. I used to think this was because i was a total wuss but i realised that it is actually because i have such a good imagination that i start to see this scary thing in everything. I was terrified that things were going to move about my room in the night and I would be paralysed and horrified.
Number 77 was Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, where William Shatner sees a gremlin on the side of his plane and no-one believes him that it is there. I had to close all the blinds so that i would not see the windows as i was terrified that i would see a gremlin there.
I know it is so ridiculous, but look how scary the gremlin is! It appears at Shatners plane window pressed right against the glass, looking like a sea creature...

But what if i don't like it?

I am supposed to go and see my friends' band on Friday. I don't really want to go, as i haven't spoken to this friend in ages, and i don't even like the kind of music the band play. I hate when people play me music they have made because i am scared i won't like it. Even if i do like it i can't tell if that is just because they made it or if i actually like it. In any case i can't lie. I have to tell the truth (not from any moral reasoning, just that i physically cannot lie. Convincingly anyway.)and the truth is, i usually don't like it, so to avoid having to tell them so, i try to avoid listening to it at all...

This is quite a dillemma as most of my friends have some kind of musical ability.

Hilly Fields

Near where i live there is a wood called Hilly Fields. I went there the other day to collect some leaves to draw, and take some photos to draw from too.




My mum's favourite tree. A perfect Oak.

Halloween

It's halloween again.
This time of year is usually ace because i get to dress up as all kinds of ridiculous things. But this year i am back at home where there are no halloween parties, hence no exciting dressing up.

Did make some nice pumpkin carvings though.


My brother's pumpkin


My Pumpkin. I don't think it is very scary though.

The inexplicable paintings

At work there are paintings on every stairwell. They are uniformly abominable. I assume they go all the way up to the top floor but luckily i have never seen them. They are so bad!







And i have to look at them every day.

Dale Chihuly

A few years ago, there was a Chihuly exhibition at the V&A museum which i found out about the day after they took it down. So when i heard that he was exhibitioning at Kew Gardens i finally got to see his stuff in the flesh as it were. And it is amazing! Set within the grounds of Kew, on the sunniest September day - the glass pieces look like they grew from some kind of alien seed pods.
The exhibition is on until Januray 2006. I would love to see this stuff in the snow!

The Knitting and Stitching Show 2005

The weekend before last I went to the Knitting and Stitching Show in Alexandra Palace. It's taken me til now to plug my camera into my computer to post these photos. There was other stuff at the show that I liked but this was my favourite thing. It was some guy from America on the RCA course (I think), who made these amazing knitted balaclavas. I feel kinda bad not having any further information about him but i just thought the idea was fantastic.




(Edit- He is called Andy Diaz Hope).

Salt and pepper emergency

Most days at work i get my lunch in the canteen and bring it back to my office to eat it. On the way out of the canteen i stop to pick up some serviettes, a knife and fork and some salt and pepper sachets.
I don't know why i get salt and pepper every time, because i have salt and pepper in my office from previous trips to the canteen. I have loads in there, waiting to be used. Maybe i have some kind of fear that i will run out of condiments or something, i don't know. But i have been trying to think of alternative uses for it, in an attempt to justify the stockpiling.
But i cannot think of any. While salt can be used for various fabric dyeing applications, and is a great tool for the killing of slugs, i cannot think of any use for it within an office-type scenario. The use of pepper is even more limited.

Why would anyone live here?

Today i woke to the first really rainy grey morning i've seen in a long time. It was weather that Americans think England has all the time. We sat in the car and waited in traffic, break-lights smashed across the rain on the windows. I said - 'why would anyone want to live in this country?' And my mum said 'Because it is one of the free-est countries in the world, and people have good lives here, and we have so much history.'
Which i guess is true. And the sublime gorgeousness of a summer day in England is worth the drawing-in grey-ness of October.

Big things that should be small

I slept late today so i had to get the bus. The bus stop is right next to a green-grocers and on the display outside there were some grapes. I was transfixed by them as i have never seen such huge grapes. They were the size of small plums! But i got to staring at them so much that i started to think maybe the other fruits areound them were just extra small, and that the shop was small and the bus stop was a little smaller than normal, until the whole world was just tiny and the grapes were the only normal sized thing!

This happens everytime i look at something that is larger than normal.

Vodkart

Saw this artist on Moco Loco Art. He's called James Hopkins.

Peel Day

Apparently it's Peel Day. I think there are going to be various events going on.

I am stuck listening to Magic FM all day because I can't get Radio One online.

I'll just have to listen to obscure music when i get home i guess...

Gary Sinise - Captain Black?

Captain Black......................Gary Sinise

It is 11.30am and i haven't done any work yet! i have been on Digital Spy Forums all morning talking about how Gary Sinise looks like Captain Black. I went to the post office and found £5 just now, which is rather marvellous luck.

I love Neighbours

There is a soap which i have watched for a long time, the only soap i would say i am a comitted fan of. I watch it everyday and have fond memories of it's characters from my youth. The show is Neighbours. It is an Australian soap and it has been running for almost 20 years now, so there is an imminent special episode in which lots of exciting things happen like explosions and devestating secrets being told and that kind of soapy thing. Anyway after my mother and i were talking about the show this morning on the way to work, i decided to look up on the internet gossip about forthcoming episodes. The official austalian site was rubbish, and the BBC site was not much better, so i looked it up on Wikipedia (fast becoming one of my favourite sites on the web) and torrents of juicy plot points gushed forth from the screen! I have been itching to tell everyone i know about what is going to happen, so if you don't want to know, look away now!

-Karl finds out about Izzy's lies and dumps her, and then everyone (at last) hates her, except Paul who starts going out with her
-Connor and Serena start going out
-Stuart's suspicions about Sindy are all true! and it turns out she is mentally unstable and is sectioned in a mental hospital(!) leaving Stuart heartbroken.
-A new family moves into the street, the (single) father of which (Alex) ends up engaged to Susan (!)
-Joe Mangel comes back(!!!), and gets together with Lynn Scully
-Kayla gets back with her old boyfriend and leaves the show, so Boyd goes back to school (as they always do) and decides to become a Doctor
-Stuart's brother comes into the show, as does someone called Elle. (I don't know what their storylines are yet)
-Steph, after about a million years, finally gets pregnant and forgets all about baby Ashley
-In the special episode, loads of old characters come back for a bit and David, Liljana and Serena (and one other un-named character) die in a plane crash/explosion orchestrated by the dastardly Paul Robinson!!! I think Susan may be presumed dead which makes everyone sad but then she turns out to be alright in the end.



I can't wait! I heart Neighbours!

Bubble Tea

I recently went to California on holiday. part of the trip was a 4 day visit to San Francisco, where we spent some time in China Town. We got pretty exhausted walking up and down all those hills and needed a drink, so we stopped into a cafe-type place where they sold bubble tea and pearl drinks. I had heard about them in Vogue a few years ago, but never had the chance to try one, so i had a peach tapioca pearl drink, which consisted of a sweet peach-flavour juice drink with black tapioca 'pearls' at the bottom. You get a huge straw with which to suck them up. I think the tea is a hot drink whereas i just had a cold one. It was so nice that i wish i could have one again! They were in about 100 flavours and were only about $2.50.
So, if you ever get the chance, try a Tapioca Pearl Drink!