Terms & Conditions Apply

Tales from the Emailses

2006-05-24T08:32:00.000Z

I haven't written on here for ages, and i know, people have missed me. The amount of emails i've had have been phenominal (real amount:zero) but what with my recent obsession with MySpace and not thinking of anything interesting to write about and general not being botheredness, i've really let this place slide.

Anyway, all this preamble is just to post an email i just wrote. I think perhaps that is the future of blogging, the mindless ctrl+c, ctrl+v of emails.

Enjoy:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
(Andy)

I am at work and someone has been messing up my desk and writing on MY post it note pads. That makes me furious like the Hulk. They've been using my special highlighter pens and everything. Bastards. I can tell because you can see the ink level in them and the ink level has gone down in the yellow and green ones compared to the blue and orange ones. They are the only thing that keeps me coming back here week after week and SOMEONE'S BEEN FUCKING WITH THEM!

I cant fucking wait to see Xmen. I love sexy Wolverine. And all superheroes for that matter. Man! I wish I was a superhero. That would rule.

I am somewhat uninterested in being at work, today, tomorrow, and for the forseeable future. What a drain on my mind and soul. If only Paul McKenna, or Derren Brown (obviously, I would prefer Derren, due to his sexy vampire qualities) I wish one of them would hypnotise me into being motivated into getting some kind of job I would like and which I could be creative in, instead of wasting my life in this hole caring way too much about some coloured pens and post it notes.

I had thought before of emailing you all day long about a million times but hadn't because it would make me look like a loon. Ah well.

Have you been watching Big Bro? Pete will win.

Tubgirl, if you don't know yet, is a girl kind of upside down in a bath spraying a fountain of brown liquid from her anal eye. Its seriously a FOUNTAIN OF BROWN. And ssooooo gross, alongside goatse, which I have never seen, which is of a man holding his arse open, but its supposed to be like really open, like enough to fit atleast a hand inside. But as I said, ive never seen it, as descriptions are vile enough and my mind is already scarred from Tubgirl. If you look either of them up on Wikipedia, there are detailed descriptions of these and other shock sites, but thankfully no pictures on them. Others I have heard of are Lemon Party, which sounds horrible enough, of old men going at it.

Well, now that I have written an essay for you, I might go and make a lovely cup of coffee, as we have run out at my house and I like its tasty flavour in preference to tea whilst at work.

Ive been designing some poster fold up flyer things, I will send you one when its done and dusted. If only I knew a cheap printer place.

People in windows, glimpsed from a train

2006-02-12T19:26:00.001Z

On my journey back from the market tonight, i looked in the windows of the houses that went by, and sometimes, you see someone in the window, and because the train goes by so fast, its like a tiny snapshot which you can't mentally register until you've gone past it. It develops in your mind like a polaroid. And i always imagine the logical conclusion to the scene i witness, though, usually being a kitchen, its usually having a nice meal and talking about their day, or sitting alone and eating something, or finishing the washing up and going and watching TV, making a cup of tea, daydreaming, making a list, singing a song that has been in their head for a while.

I love Liverpool Street Station

2006-02-11T00:20:00.000Z

I go through Liverpool Street Station usually atleast once a week, and everytime i do, i am struck by just how much i like it.

When i get off my train as it pulls in, and look up to the massive ceiling above me with its tiny details everywhere, i can imagine the awe people must have felt getting off their train into London for the very first time, into this giant gateway into the city. With its odd sense of scale - tiny details on massive pillars and the steel beams holding up the ceiling miles above you, things which,if a station that size were built today wouldn't be considered in the same way. It is such a perfect entrance into the city, especially compared with Victoria or Waterloo or Kings Cross.

And it still has the flippy down timetable screen things with the train times, not yet replaced with digital displays, which make me feel warm when i look at them, even when they are telling me that my train has been cancelled.

How cool are ipods these days?

2006-02-10T23:19:00.000Z

A few weeks ago, i was working at a graphic design company and when it was time to go home, i put on my coat, my scarf, checked i had my ticket, and then went to get my ipod out of my bag to put it on shuffle and put it in my bag, but i stopped myself, because i didnt want anyone to see, because, i realised later, i wasn't sure how cool ipods are anymore.

I am so ashamed that i did this, but i then waited til i got out of the place and was a bit down the road before getting it out of my bag and doing the aforementioned, then walking to the train station in a daze trying to work out what the hell i was doing.

Are ipods cool because they are new, or because they are a good piece of technology, or are they so not cool anymore because everyone has one now, so they arent even a rarity anymore?

This is like the time in my first year of uni when i couldnt decide if i should get a mullet haircut because it was kind of avantgarde, even though i detest them (mullets).
A real identity question - am i trying to be cool by doing what i want or am i cool by doing what other people that are doing what they want to do are doing, or should i do whats in all the magazines.It is at moments like these that i take a look at my self and realise how fucking retarded i am being.

So anyway, the most recent time i went to this place, i got my ipod out infront of everyone, and it was covered in Hamtaro stickers, and i just didn't care! Though i havent been asked back as yet.

Neighbours spoilers once again...

2006-02-04T16:30:00.000Z

Yes, Serena has died. I don't know if Connor is coming back (i hope not, i never liked him) but the whole Bishop cru are dead, except for Harold, who starts taking revenge on Paul (who he blames for the whole thing) by making him think he is going crazy, and then trying to strangle him (!) until Izzy comes in and Harold realises that his worst nightmare has come true - he has become Paul!

Alex and Susan get married right before he dies, leaving Susan the mother of his kids, plus a new Kinski kid who pops out of the woodwork to hate Susan for a bit.

Steph's cancer comes back, though she refuses to have any treatment as it may harm her baby, prompting Max to enlist the help of the only lawyer in Erinsborough, Toadie, in getting her certified mentally insane (as opposed to physically insane?) so that she can be forced to have treatment, which in turn prompts her to kick him out of the house.

Boyd, as a part of his training to become a doctor, is working at the only doctors surgery in Australia (Dr Kennedy's) and discovers that the scumbag (or should i say, 'bludger', 'drongo', or the strangely appropriate-sounding 'cake taker'?) that Janae slept with (in his car. Once) has a disease... a Generic Deadly Blood Disease! (a GDBD), and he thinks she may have it too, but can't tell her, because of all that Hippocratic oath stuff that Karl is always so good at following.

Oh yeah, and Gail Robinson (wife of Paul) comes back!

I think what the show needs is a lovely family like the original Kennedy's. Alas, they are but Dr K and Miss Smith now. Sigh.

Racist old ladies

2006-02-04T15:49:00.000Z

I went to a jumble sale today (total haul: one box of dominos, an antique Happy Families game, and a Stork Margarine 'Gayer Cakes with Fine Icing' promotional book circa 1950), and waiting outside for it to start (im not usually that sad but there had been one on before it down the road, so...) there were two old ladies having a conversation (might i add that this was a very small room, the size of a lift, maybe, and was filled with atleast 10 other people besides myself). Im not proud of it but i tend to find myself listening in on conversations when they are right next to my ears in the tiny crowded foyer of a town hall. I was somewhat surprised to hear in these intimate surroundings the most racist conversation i have ever heard in my entire life! It was almost a privilege to witness such outmoded and incorrect views on British life. Well, almost.

Amongst these two pinnacles of society's declarations were such gems as:

-all Chinese people have TB
-you don't want to eat Chinese food as you can never be sure you're not eating dog
-all the schools in this country are full of foreigners
-all foreigners are dirty and diseased
-all foreigners complain about living in England
-school dinners are filth
-South Africa is much better because you have to pay for education and they don't have school dinners
-It's a disgrace

They said other things but those were the ones i can remember before my ears started ringing from the strain of not having an outburst.

Which leads me to a conundrum. What DO you say to someone if they are voicing views around you which are so opposite to what you see as the truth, and so hilariously offensive? And what if they are not voicing them to you, but just next to you, are you in the wrong by eavesdropping? I feel i must formulate a plan of attack for just this kind of situation, somehow launching it back at them, but how?

Anyway, as the doors opened and we were ushered in, someone said "good luck!", and the taller (and i think, leader) of these ROLs (Racist old ladies) announced "I don't believe in luck, i believe in jesus!"

She is going to take over the world

2006-01-29T18:31:00.000Z

On Friday, i witnessed history being made.
Celebrity Big Brother finished, and someone who is not a celebrity won it. That's right. History. Being. Made.

Putting aside the whole Orwellian Warholian Daliesquesness of the entire thing, the fact that the nation appears to have grasped the concept of irony so well restores my faith in this country. That a non-celebrity called Chantelle could win a competition of fame over a household name as big as Michael Barrymore ?), being put there by the nation at large is inspiring beyond anything i think i have ever witnessed in my whole life!

Wow.

That 00's Show.

2006-01-29T18:18:00.000Z

I forget why, but the other day it struck me that the iPod is one of the icons of now. And that when people look back on the 00's in the future, in twenty years or so, and people dress in 00's clothes and its all so retro, they will ll have ipods as some kind of fashion accessory of that time, like legwarmers are icons of the 80's and miniskirts are an icon of the 60's.
Noty everyone had them but everyone thinks of them when they look back at that time.
I don't know what point i am trying to make here, other than the realisation that looking back at things is never accurate and everything is contaminated by time.

Also, this gives me the opportunity to use the Worth1000 picture I did months ago, which isn't all that good but, well, i don't care.

Return of the Mac

2006-01-29T18:17:00.000Z

Right, i am back in Blog-land. I only work at my office job two days a week so i don't have so much time to put things on here at lunch time (obviously).

I have been a-working on my market stall, which has been great, but lately sales have dried up, assumedly due to the cold weather, the destitution of January and the after christmas curb on unnecessary spending. So we have stopped for a few weeks to soothe our chilblains.

I always write notes of what i want to put on here, what i want to write about, but never get round to writing it, due to the broken-ness of my computer's keyboard the general faff of putting my computer on to charge, finding pictures, blah blah, not being motivated and so on. The following text is from the last few weeks of non blogging, where i have written stuff but not transferred it to a internet connected computer (after i dropped mine on the floor and jammed the cable up), so there you go.

I don't know what is going to happen in Neighbours, ater the massacre of the Bishop family (FYI, Serena and Liljana are both dead dead dead). But i shall endeavour to find out what else is likely to occur on Ramsay Street, for the people who keep searching for 'Neighbours torrents spoilers' and coming here for 0.2 seconds.

If you want more proof of my slow transition back into a 13 year old girl, check out my latest Ebay purchases: a unicorn poster; a pink Nintendo DS; 24 Bonne Bell lipbalms from america; and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Top Trumps (Although they are admitedly for my brother, though that possibly makes it even worse?)

Ok, i can't find my note book with all my things i was going to write about. Which totally sucks because i was going to write them all in a Sunday afternoon homework kind of way. Well, I suppose i shall have to wait til i find that and then write them, which could take, who knows, a few thousand years? I shall have to go back to playing Zelda (on my new (pink(!)) Nintendo DS!) while i (and you) wait.

Oh, and Happy chinese new year!

A Picture of Pete Doherty

2005-12-08T12:09:00.000Z

I am reading The Picture Of Dorian Gray at the moment, by Oscar Wilde. I think it was mentioned on QI, or Stephen Fry made me think of Wilde because he plays him in the film (called Wilde, funnily enough). So i borrowed it from the library, and have been utterly absorbed by it. I never sleep a good nights sleep because i am up so late reading this amazing book. (It is now overdue at the library and i will have to pay a hefty fine on it i expect).

The story concerns a young man called Dorian Gray, who is extrordinaily beautiful. An artist friend of his paints a portrait of him, and Dorian's beauty is fully revealed to himself. He wishes that he could go on being young forever, whilst his picture aged instead of him, as he decides that youth is the most precious thing there is. His new philosophy is that the only thing to live for is pleasure and enjoyment.
He goes on to live a callous life of debauchery, breaking hearts and ruining people. His picture not only ages but also changes to reflect his cruelty and selfishness, evidence of all his sins.
As far as i have read, he has just killed someone and has started smoking Opium, and i have not found out what happens yet...

Basically, you could call it A Picture of Pete Doherty.

Don't you mean you need a leg?

2005-12-08T10:42:00.000Z

The other day i missed Neighbours. And i missed the best scene in Australian TV of recent history:
Paul Robinson, who recently had his leg amputated due to medical complications, is struggling with something. Izzy, who currently lives with him in his lair/house is just sitting around or whatever, ignoring him.

Paul: "Uh, i need a hand here!"

Izzy: "Don't you mean you need a leg, Paul?"

Worth 1000

2005-12-07T09:43:00.000Z

There is a website called Worth 1000 (as in, "a picture is worth a thousand words"). The idea behind it is that you enter competitions on it inwhich you use Photoshop to do various things with images. Then other members vote on how good they are. Some of the "Choppers" as they are known, are amazing though, making pictures like this:

Solitaire Olive Dish

2005-12-07T09:26:00.000Z

Check out this amazing Solitaire Olive dish!
These are the kinds of thing which make me love design. This is the kind of thing i would fill my house with if i were one of those people on Grand Designs with too much money and not enough common sense.

Mr Miyagi RIP

2005-11-28T11:41:00.000Z

New Film Classification

2005-11-22T20:07:00.000Z

I watched 'The Fighting Temptations' last night.
I love those films where there is a team or a choir or something, and the team is always rubbish at the beginning of the film. Then a new leader comes along (they go to a new school, move towns or something) , who invariably is totally uninterested in the group, or is only involved for selfish reasons (money or to impress someone). Then they have a change of heart and manage to bring the group together, with the help of some misfits and a quiet character blossoming, til the team come first in the Nationals.
They are great. I get so sucked into them and i like the formula. But shouldn't there be a different classification for them? They aren't really purely 'rom-com', and they aren't serious 'dramas'. What could their classification be? Team-com? Teamie? Groupie? There should be a new one though, so there can be a whole entire section of Blockbusters devoted to them.

If it sounds like i am being too specific, look at this extensive list of examples:

-Sister Act
-Sister Act II
-Bring It On
-Bring It On Again
-Drumline
-The Fighting Temptations
-The Replacements
-Kicking and Screaming

Factotum

2005-11-09T13:08:00.000Z

A lot of things happen to me which seem just too coincidental. I look up a word i don't know the meaning of and it is thereafter everywhere i go. I go and buy a book and then see a poster for it's film. I suppose it could be argued that somehow my subconscious picks up on things and influences my actions, but i don't know. It just seems too uncanny.
A few days ago i didn't have anything to read so i picked up 'Dr Strangelove'. The next day the film was on TV.
Today i bought 'Factotum' by Charles Bukowski after someone told me it was good. I get to work and there is an ad for the film 'Factotum' starring Matt Dillon on the Guardian Website.

COINCIDENCE?

Quiet Is The New Loud

2005-11-08T11:28:00.000Z

I hate when i catch on to something ages after everyone else and it's now old hat.
I bought Quiet Is The New Loud by Kings of Convenience a few weeks ago and only properly listened to it the other day and it is SO lovely! and so sad.
But why did no-one tell me?
Am i being hideously uncool? were they really good but then suddenly deemed lame like so many things these days? I suppose quiet was the new loud for a while, when Royksopp (and whatever happened to them?) were so beloved by all. But now there is no quiet at all! So Loud is the new Quiet i suppose. Or i am just being pedantic.

Neighbours II

2005-11-08T11:18:00.000Z

After installing the tracker (in the links to the right) on here, i have been dismayed to find that pretty much the only thing which people are searching for on Google and coming here for are the spoilers i wrote for Neighbours. How lame!

Another day, another dollar

2005-11-08T10:10:00.000Z

Well i was going to go and see that band but their van caught fire. So i didn't.
So instead of having a lovely Hangover Saturday, i went to Bluewater.
Bluewater is amazing.
It is like, an offering to The Gods Of Commerce. A cathedral of capitalism.
It is the closest thing to an American mall as we have in our quaint country of moderation. If it was in America it would be practically empty, but as this is England, it was stuffed full of people.
It'd be amazing if we in this country could get our act together more often and produce something so lovely and efficient as this on a more frequent basis, maybe for a more worthy cause than pure cash money.

Razzle Dazzle

2005-11-03T09:38:00.000Z

Check out these WWI 'Razzle Dazzle Boats' They are amazing! To confuse the enemy they painted some of the boats in these insane colours and patterns.
How come i never knew about this?!

The curse of a good imagination

2005-11-01T09:53:00.000Z

Last night i made the stupid mistake of watching a bit of Channel 4's 100 Greatest Scary Moments. 83 was Whistle And I'll Come To You, where an old man finds a whistle and blows it, then is pursued by a ghost. At some point he sees the bedclothes across the room stiffen and move around as if by a ghost. Now, every night i get freaked out by things which i think look like faces, and whenever i watch something scary i can't sleep. I used to think this was because i was a total wuss but i realised that it is actually because i have such a good imagination that i start to see this scary thing in everything. I was terrified that things were going to move about my room in the night and I would be paralysed and horrified.
Number 77 was Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, where William Shatner sees a gremlin on the side of his plane and no-one believes him that it is there. I had to close all the blinds so that i would not see the windows as i was terrified that i would see a gremlin there.
I know it is so ridiculous, but look how scary the gremlin is! It appears at Shatners plane window pressed right against the glass, looking like a sea creature...

But what if i don't like it?

2005-10-31T11:21:00.000Z

I am supposed to go and see my friends' band on Friday. I don't really want to go, as i haven't spoken to this friend in ages, and i don't even like the kind of music the band play. I hate when people play me music they have made because i am scared i won't like it. Even if i do like it i can't tell if that is just because they made it or if i actually like it. In any case i can't lie. I have to tell the truth (not from any moral reasoning, just that i physically cannot lie. Convincingly anyway.)and the truth is, i usually don't like it, so to avoid having to tell them so, i try to avoid listening to it at all...

This is quite a dillemma as most of my friends have some kind of musical ability.

Hilly Fields

2005-10-31T11:05:00.000Z

Near where i live there is a wood called Hilly Fields. I went there the other day to collect some leaves to draw, and take some photos to draw from too.

My mum's favourite tree. A perfect Oak.

Halloween

2005-10-31T10:59:00.000Z

It's halloween again.
This time of year is usually ace because i get to dress up as all kinds of ridiculous things. But this year i am back at home where there are no halloween parties, hence no exciting dressing up.

Did make some nice pumpkin carvings though.

My brother's pumpkin

My Pumpkin. I don't think it is very scary though.

The inexplicable paintings

2005-10-28T12:13:00.000Z

At work there are paintings on every stairwell. They are uniformly abominable. I assume they go all the way up to the top floor but luckily i have never seen them. They are so bad!

And i have to look at them every day.

Dale Chihuly

2005-10-25T11:09:00.000Z

A few years ago, there was a Chihuly exhibition at the V&A museum which i found out about the day after they took it down. So when i heard that he was exhibitioning at Kew Gardens i finally got to see his stuff in the flesh as it were. And it is amazing! Set within the grounds of Kew, on the sunniest September day - the glass pieces look like they grew from some kind of alien seed pods.
The exhibition is on until Januray 2006. I would love to see this stuff in the snow!

The Knitting and Stitching Show 2005

2005-10-25T07:50:00.000Z

The weekend before last I went to the Knitting and Stitching Show in Alexandra Palace. It's taken me til now to plug my camera into my computer to post these photos. There was other stuff at the show that I liked but this was my favourite thing. It was some guy from America on the RCA course (I think), who made these amazing knitted balaclavas. I feel kinda bad not having any further information about him but i just thought the idea was fantastic.

(Edit- He is called Andy Diaz Hope).

Salt and pepper emergency

2005-10-24T12:22:00.000Z

Most days at work i get my lunch in the canteen and bring it back to my office to eat it. On the way out of the canteen i stop to pick up some serviettes, a knife and fork and some salt and pepper sachets.
I don't know why i get salt and pepper every time, because i have salt and pepper in my office from previous trips to the canteen. I have loads in there, waiting to be used. Maybe i have some kind of fear that i will run out of condiments or something, i don't know. But i have been trying to think of alternative uses for it, in an attempt to justify the stockpiling.
But i cannot think of any. While salt can be used for various fabric dyeing applications, and is a great tool for the killing of slugs, i cannot think of any use for it within an office-type scenario. The use of pepper is even more limited.

Why would anyone live here?

2005-10-21T08:36:00.000Z

Today i woke to the first really rainy grey morning i've seen in a long time. It was weather that Americans think England has all the time. We sat in the car and waited in traffic, break-lights smashed across the rain on the windows. I said - 'why would anyone want to live in this country?' And my mum said 'Because it is one of the free-est countries in the world, and people have good lives here, and we have so much history.'
Which i guess is true. And the sublime gorgeousness of a summer day in England is worth the drawing-in grey-ness of October.

Big things that should be small

2005-10-19T10:39:00.000Z

I slept late today so i had to get the bus. The bus stop is right next to a green-grocers and on the display outside there were some grapes. I was transfixed by them as i have never seen such huge grapes. They were the size of small plums! But i got to staring at them so much that i started to think maybe the other fruits areound them were just extra small, and that the shop was small and the bus stop was a little smaller than normal, until the whole world was just tiny and the grapes were the only normal sized thing!

This happens everytime i look at something that is larger than normal.

Vodkart

2005-10-14T11:21:00.000Z

Saw this artist on Moco Loco Art. He's called James Hopkins.

Peel Day

2005-10-12T11:29:00.000Z

Apparently it's Peel Day. I think there are going to be various events going on.

I am stuck listening to Magic FM all day because I can't get Radio One online.

I'll just have to listen to obscure music when i get home i guess...

Gary Sinise - Captain Black?

2005-10-12T10:25:00.000Z

Captain Black......................Gary Sinise

It is 11.30am and i haven't done any work yet! i have been on Digital Spy Forums all morning talking about how Gary Sinise looks like Captain Black. I went to the post office and found £5 just now, which is rather marvellous luck.

I love Neighbours

2005-10-11T13:58:00.000Z

There is a soap which i have watched for a long time, the only soap i would say i am a comitted fan of. I watch it everyday and have fond memories of it's characters from my youth. The show is Neighbours. It is an Australian soap and it has been running for almost 20 years now, so there is an imminent special episode in which lots of exciting things happen like explosions and devestating secrets being told and that kind of soapy thing. Anyway after my mother and i were talking about the show this morning on the way to work, i decided to look up on the internet gossip about forthcoming episodes. The official austalian site was rubbish, and the BBC site was not much better, so i looked it up on Wikipedia (fast becoming one of my favourite sites on the web) and torrents of juicy plot points gushed forth from the screen! I have been itching to tell everyone i know about what is going to happen, so if you don't want to know, look away now!

-Karl finds out about Izzy's lies and dumps her, and then everyone (at last) hates her, except Paul who starts going out with her
-Connor and Serena start going out
-Stuart's suspicions about Sindy are all true! and it turns out she is mentally unstable and is sectioned in a mental hospital(!) leaving Stuart heartbroken.
-A new family moves into the street, the (single) father of which (Alex) ends up engaged to Susan (!)
-Joe Mangel comes back(!!!), and gets together with Lynn Scully
-Kayla gets back with her old boyfriend and leaves the show, so Boyd goes back to school (as they always do) and decides to become a Doctor
-Stuart's brother comes into the show, as does someone called Elle. (I don't know what their storylines are yet)
-Steph, after about a million years, finally gets pregnant and forgets all about baby Ashley
-In the special episode, loads of old characters come back for a bit and David, Liljana and Serena (and one other un-named character) die in a plane crash/explosion orchestrated by the dastardly Paul Robinson!!! I think Susan may be presumed dead which makes everyone sad but then she turns out to be alright in the end.

I can't wait! I heart Neighbours!

Bubble Tea

2005-10-10T12:01:00.000Z

I recently went to California on holiday. part of the trip was a 4 day visit to San Francisco, where we spent some time in China Town. We got pretty exhausted walking up and down all those hills and needed a drink, so we stopped into a cafe-type place where they sold bubble tea and pearl drinks. I had heard about them in Vogue a few years ago, but never had the chance to try one, so i had a peach tapioca pearl drink, which consisted of a sweet peach-flavour juice drink with black tapioca 'pearls' at the bottom. You get a huge straw with which to suck them up. I think the tea is a hot drink whereas i just had a cold one. It was so nice that i wish i could have one again! They were in about 100 flavours and were only about $2.50.
So, if you ever get the chance, try a Tapioca Pearl Drink!

Plants with eyes

2005-10-10T08:25:00.000Z

Wow these are weird!
This is a quicktime movie of some super strange animated plants. They are like hybrids between animals, plants and robots! Extremely odd.

Is there a doctor in the house?

2005-10-07T15:16:00.000Z

In response to this post on Flip Flop Flying, i tried to work out what the odds are that a doctor would be in a plane you were travelling on, incase you crash into a desert island and need someone to be the dashing leader with a mysterious past. I think it would be one in 4 chance, if flying from the UK.

I was actually thinking about this last night, wondering how much of my Red Cross training from when i was about 12 i would remember in any given situation. I decided probably none, and that i would most likely just panic and run around if anything incidental ever happened around me. But maybe instinct would click on and i'd be amazing and save lives and be heroic!
But probably not.

Mono

2005-10-07T15:06:00.000Z

There is often talk of 'The Kissing Disease' or 'Mono' on american TV shows, and i always thought it was some kind of Tonsillitis or something, but i was never sure. Anyway i looked it up on Wikipedia and it turns out it is Glandular Fever, which is really hard to catch actually. One of my friends at school got it and was off for weeks.
Anyway, in looking that up i came across this site which sells giant germs!

Cover your mouth if you don't mind

2005-10-07T12:53:00.000Z

The walls at work are pretty thin. I can hear any conversation either side of my office. On one side is the boss of everyone on this floor, who is a man. But for some reason there is a woman in there today who i have taken a dislike to, despite not having actually seen/met her. She has been coughing all day long, which wouldn't normally bother me all that much, but it is the most ridiculous spluttery coughing i have ever heard! It sounds like she has just surfaced from underwater and needs to get all the water out of her lungs. And it is so loud! AND i can tell that she isn't covering her mouth whilst she coughs, which is a habit which quite frankly disgusts me. Why would anyone cough in such an over the top and affected manner? She sounds like a little kid who wants everyone to know she isn't very well.

Ahem, anyway, it's annoying.

Don't touch!

2005-10-06T10:43:00.000Z

This sign was in an email sent around of funny signs. It made me laugh out loud. I have the mental image of someone creeping up to it undercover of darkness to sneakily touch it and then reading it at the last minute and running away in fear of it's sharpness.

In a sort of related matter, i straightened my hair whilst watching Lost with my brother last night and i was pretending to burn him with the (cold, not even plugged in) straighteners, and he got paranoid that they would fly out of my hands and burn him sitting across the other side of the room. The lead wasn't even long enough to reach him! And how fast would you have to be going for them to fly out of your hand as opposed to just fall on the floor?

No small talk please.

2005-10-06T10:37:00.000Z

I've been in my office for days now. I think i am purposefully avoiding doing the filing i have to do in the other office because i don't want to talk to the woman who works in there. She seems nice enough but i just can't stand small talk! I abhor it. She doesn't care what i did at the weekend, and i don't care what she did! why bother to ask?! I am really bad at making/responding to small talk. I have to actively think to ask questions in response so i don't seem rude. How do people who have 'the gift of the gab' manage to keep up conversations? How do they think up what to say? I think everyone else who works here thinks i am snooty because i don't talk to anyone unless i have to.

Hyper Frame

2005-10-04T15:28:00.000Z

I have become addicted to this game. It caused me to not do any work whatsoever yesterday. But now i have finished all the levels so i can get back to... filing!

Baby Kal-El

2005-10-04T08:22:00.000Z

Normally in the morning i am dead to the world, I can't crack a smile let alone laugh at anything, but this morning i heard something on the radio which made me laugh out loud for a full five minutes - Nicholas Cage's new baby is calle Kal-El!

I only wish I had thought of it first!

Jamie Cullum - troll in disguise?

2005-10-03T11:54:00.000Z

Whilst watching TV with my brother at the weekend, an advert for Radio 2 favourite Jamie Cullum came on. He has a new album or something. Anyway, we noticed his resemblance to a Troll Doll, especially with his hair longer and more fluffier than it used to be.

The First Post

2005-09-29T20:21:00.001Z

Well i have done it. No more wasting time on the internet all day just looking at websites, no - now i have my very own blog to waste time with! I shall tell such tales!

PUBLISH ME!

2005-09-29T14:44:00.000Z

I was supposed to be going to Australia. I won a competition and the prize was being in a book about posters and going to Australia for the book launch. But the book launch got put back, and put back, and put back, and so now i don't know what is going on. I can't decide if i should phone the publishers up from work - i might get fired for calling Australia! also i don't know what the time would be over there anyway so it could be totally pointless.
Oh also, i was supposed to get £1000 as prize money. I sure wouldn't mind £1000.

The poster is here,

and all the information in the world about this book is here.

the book is $65! I don't even know if i get a free copy!
The poster was a poster about the book, which is about posters. So i made it out of acetate so it could be put over other posters and blah blah, it was clever and i was very proud of it at the time but i am a little bored of it to tell the truth!